In my last blog, I shared my experience of meeting fellow travelers on a backpacking trip and their encouragement to look for your “blind spot”. As strange as that may sound, I took myself to task and was determined to find it. So, this backpacking trip became more than just a journey through the Sierras, following a map from one lake to another. I wanted to know more about myself, even if that meant looking for the blind spots – those parts that may seem to ugly/embarrassing/shameful to admit.

Each day of the trip, we would wake up, enjoy a wonderful breakfast of oatmeal and instant coffee, pack up camp and set out for the day’s hike. Some days we talked on the hike, some days were spent in silence…and the silence was refreshing. It was like we each got our own time to think and reflect, and then we shared what we learned at the end of the day. During these moments of deafening silence, I quickly found my blind spot: I realized that what people think about me has a huge impact on what I think about myself. I need other people to make me feel good. This may not seem to be such a revolutionary concept, yet for me to actually admit that was so painful and so necessary. This idea began to unravel and create a domino effect in my mind: if I need people’s approval, then what am I doing to gain that approval? Do I really know myself or only what other people say about me? What happens when I don’t get that approval? It was pretty scary to answer these questions honestly.

The good thing about finding your blind spot is that once you know where it is, you know how to check it every so often. My friends Abby and Sarah helped me along this journey and truly loved me just as I am. They saw me when I was tired and dirty and hadn’t really showered in a while, yet they consistently reminded me that who I am, who I was created to be, is beautiful.

On the last day of our trip, we woke up early to watch the sunrise. I had been reading “Blue Like Jazz” by Donald Miller throughout the trip and the chapter I read that morning was just so incredibly perfect and timely. He writes about a trip he took to the Grand Canyon and the epiphany he had while sleeping out under the stars. His thoughts and circumstances completely paralleled mine:

“There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what he is doing…And as I lay there, it occurred to me that God is up there somewhere. Of course, I had always known He was, but this time I felt it… I know a little of why there is blood in my body, pumping life into my limbs and thought into my brain. I am wanted by God. He is wanting to preserve me…”

This was huge for me: to realize that I am wanted by God, that I am valued, that I have friends who want me too. This is what I was meant to find on my trip and I am so, so thankful that I have friends who help me along the way. My prayer for you is that you would know this too, that it would sink deep into your mind and heart and that you would know that I want to be that friend that reminds you of this too…

Much love…
alair