The past few weeks have been filled with a lot of great stories, and since many have asked, I thought it best to just write them all down here.

About a week and a half ago, I went up to Portland to visit some good friends from Westmont. I hadn't seen them in at least two or three years, so we were way overdue for a visit. I cannot explain how great it was to catch up, see Portland, have coffee, go to the Saturday market and just hang out. I got to see my friend Christina (I wrote about her recently and asked for prayer about her brain tumor) and she is amazing and healed! Her story is an incredible encouragement to me and gives me strength to trust in the Lord and live life to its fullest every day. I had dinner with friends that I worked with as an RA and spent a semester with in San Francisco, and it was amazing to look around and see where we are and what we have done in life since that time. I'm currently serving on the board of a non-profit organization called These Numbers Have Faces (http://www.thesenumbers.com/). My good friends who started the organization live in Portland, so I got to see the main "headquarters" for the organization (aka my friend Justin's attic). They are working so hard for this cause, and simply being around them got me thinking and dreaming and brainstorming with them. After this trip, I was overwhelmed by the friends that God has given me for my journey and I love listening to each one of their stories. When I was having coffee with my friend Joy, she reminded me of just how important community is for life. We cannot walk through life alone; we must have one another.

This became all the more evident this past weekend when I went backpacking with my friends Abby and Sarah (we went backpacking together last summer). We decided to take a short trip, just to "get away", and the timing was perfect. Looking back, I think we all needed this time desperately to think, be still, be challenged and encourage one another. At different times throughout the trip, we were able to be honest with each other and also speak truth into one another's lives.

The whole trip took a new turn late Sunday night. Around midnight, we were woken up by a woman shining a flashlight into our tent, calling out for help because something was wrong with her husband. We all quickly got dressed and walked over to the couple's tent where the man was laying inside. As a nurse, Abby was quick to know exactly what to look for and did an amazing job of staying calm and assessing the situation. The man had severe abdominal pain, was throwing up and could not even stand up, while his wife stood nearby crying and wondering what was going on. We all knew that this man needed immediate medical attention, so we decided that we needed to pack out and get him help. At this point, I'm still feeling disoriented but I have never packed a bag so fast in my whole life! In 20 minutes, we had our tent, sleeping bag, supplies and clothes packed and ready to go, and we set out on the trail at 12:30am.

We took the same trail out that we took coming in, and we knew it was about 6.6 miles back to our car. The trail basically takes you up and over this mountain. We only had two flashlights and the moon to guide us, and thankfully we had pumped extra water the day before. Some parts of the trail were open and bright, others were dense and eerie. All I remember thinking was, "just keep walking. Follow the girls and put one foot in front of the other." I couldn't let my mind wander or else I would think of every scary movie or TV show that takes place in some creepy forest. There was a sort of quiet calm over everything and the occasional bird chirping reminded me that we weren't the only ones awake in the wilderness. We just kept hiking for the next 4 hours in the dark, knowing that we had to make good time and knowing that the couple couldn't do anything but wait.

We finally made it back to my car around 4:30am, drove down the hill a ways, and called 911. The dispatcher must have been as tired as we were because she kept thinking that we were the ones with abdominal pain. We gave her our location and she sent the fire department to find us. When they arrived, we had to explain once again that "no, we aren't in pain" and "no, the man is not with us!"- he's 6.6 miles out in the woods! The firefighters were ready to hike in and rescue him, and yet we all hoped that they could secure a helicopter (or "bird" as they called it) to save the man instead. They took us back to the fire station, and again, I thought of every movie where people are saved and they get taken back to some station, given blankets and hot coffee. Everything was true this time except the blankets! We had to give them our information and then locate the man's position on a map. They asked us a lot of questions about his condition and the trails we took, and finally they found a helicopter that could go in after him. We left the station about 7:30am, tired, extremely dirty, hungry and thirsty, and we stumbled into an IHOP for breakfast. The Rooty Tooty Fresh n Fruity never tasted so good.

As I write this, I still cannot believe it happened. We did hear later on that the man was rescued and taken to a hospital, yet we never received a final confirmation as to what was wrong or as to his current condition. Thankfully, he seemed to be doing well. I could not have done this without Abby or Sarah, and they gave me the strength and courage to keep moving on even though my legs felt like they couldn't. I haven't fully processed this whole experience, yet what I do know is that I learned so much about fear and perseverence and grace and pride and faith and trust. As cliche as the metaphor might be, there are times in life when you walk through the "dark night of the soul" and all you can do is take one step at a time. It's at those times when you need people in front and behind you, where you can follow their light and their steps and they help you to keep going. I've said before that something is cliche until it becomes true for you, and now I know this to be true. The story of your life needs more characters than just you and I'm thankful to have all of you in my story...
much love...
alair

hi everyone...
i hope this email finds you all doing well. about a week ago, i received an email about one of my good friends from Westmont (Christina Ahmann- some of you might know her). she and i were RA's together and our whole RA staff was extremely close, like a family. i was completely shocked and so grieved to find out that she has a brain tumor and is going to be undergoing surgery tomorrow. my heart broke when i read about this huge life change, how she has to shave her head, how her life might be cut short, how scary this must be... but this amazing woman is one of the strongest people i know. i wanted to share her words with you all and ask for you to pray fervently for her tonight and tomorrow. i have learned so much from her already...

"Oh Lord,I love you with all my HEART, SOUL, and STRENGTH... Never have I experienced such desperate dependence on you. Never have I been in a more difficult place. But Never have I felt so at peace. Never have I experienced such richness in worshp, in conversations with those around me.... and in the intimacy between you and me, that cradles my head to your heart. Thank you Lord for all these "nevers"... I wouldn't trade them and I never want to go back! Heavenly Father I give you full control of this situation... because I KNOW it is ordained by you... and I know my own personal strength would have failed me the moment I caught a glimpse of that crazy huge tumor up on that screen! Oh Lord, I need you. And I love to need you!

My number one prayer Lord, remains the same. I pray that this situation touches all who encounter it for your glory. I have no idea why the story has spread so far and wide for little old me... but to become shy and timid about that would almost be disobedience and not trusting your sovereignty. I trust Lord that this happened to me for a reason, and it happened at this time for a reason--and so many people are involved in this for a reason! I ask, Lord, for boldness in conversation with everyone I encounter from family and friends, to doctors, nurses, receptionists. I pray that I never have to search for words, but you pour them from my lips saying exactly what you need to say to people to touch them in their own lives. I pray that my body and presence can be a beacon of your light that radically changes people as only you can do. No matter the outcome after the surgery Lord... I pray this never changes. Somehow even if I am severely altered or hurting physically, I pray your JOY and PEACE never leave me. Nothing of my own strength can accomplish that Lord..... and so here I am again on my knees desperately dependent on you..."

Also, I thought this was great- she had to fill out a medical form and here's what she wrote:
What is your condition: Brain Tumor
What have you done for this so far: Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Massage, PhysicalTherapy, Nothing has helped
Yes she even added the smiley face.

In my last blog, I shared my experience of meeting fellow travelers on a backpacking trip and their encouragement to look for your “blind spot”. As strange as that may sound, I took myself to task and was determined to find it. So, this backpacking trip became more than just a journey through the Sierras, following a map from one lake to another. I wanted to know more about myself, even if that meant looking for the blind spots – those parts that may seem to ugly/embarrassing/shameful to admit.

Each day of the trip, we would wake up, enjoy a wonderful breakfast of oatmeal and instant coffee, pack up camp and set out for the day’s hike. Some days we talked on the hike, some days were spent in silence…and the silence was refreshing. It was like we each got our own time to think and reflect, and then we shared what we learned at the end of the day. During these moments of deafening silence, I quickly found my blind spot: I realized that what people think about me has a huge impact on what I think about myself. I need other people to make me feel good. This may not seem to be such a revolutionary concept, yet for me to actually admit that was so painful and so necessary. This idea began to unravel and create a domino effect in my mind: if I need people’s approval, then what am I doing to gain that approval? Do I really know myself or only what other people say about me? What happens when I don’t get that approval? It was pretty scary to answer these questions honestly.

The good thing about finding your blind spot is that once you know where it is, you know how to check it every so often. My friends Abby and Sarah helped me along this journey and truly loved me just as I am. They saw me when I was tired and dirty and hadn’t really showered in a while, yet they consistently reminded me that who I am, who I was created to be, is beautiful.

On the last day of our trip, we woke up early to watch the sunrise. I had been reading “Blue Like Jazz” by Donald Miller throughout the trip and the chapter I read that morning was just so incredibly perfect and timely. He writes about a trip he took to the Grand Canyon and the epiphany he had while sleeping out under the stars. His thoughts and circumstances completely paralleled mine:

“There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what he is doing…And as I lay there, it occurred to me that God is up there somewhere. Of course, I had always known He was, but this time I felt it… I know a little of why there is blood in my body, pumping life into my limbs and thought into my brain. I am wanted by God. He is wanting to preserve me…”

This was huge for me: to realize that I am wanted by God, that I am valued, that I have friends who want me too. This is what I was meant to find on my trip and I am so, so thankful that I have friends who help me along the way. My prayer for you is that you would know this too, that it would sink deep into your mind and heart and that you would know that I want to be that friend that reminds you of this too…

Much love…
alair