Quiet.
I've been sick for the past week with an annoying cold (not too surprising), but this time I completely lost my voice (kind of surprising). It's happened to me before, but I didn't really see it coming this time. For someone who likes to talk, it was really frustrating. For someone who is a therapist, it also means you're out of work (you can only do so many quiet "meditation" exercises and say "um hm" so many times before your clients catch on). So I was stuck at home, trying to "rest" my voice and feeling cut off from the outside world.
All I could do was think... and listen.
So I started thinking about how unfair this was- that I had to lose the tool I use most, in my job, with friends, for school and almost everything else. This wasn't what I had planned. Then I started realizing how this time in my life is not turning out as I expected. Despite all of my efforts and hours of work and prayers and studying, things were not going they way I thought. And that is not fair.
Do you ever have those moments? Where you say, " ____ was not supposed to happen" or "Why does ____ happen to ____ but not to me?", and my favorite is "But I did ______, and it still didn't work." So in my mind, I cried out to God about how life just didn't seem fair. I literally tried to cry out to God but all that came out was something high-pitched and scratchy. So I decided it really was time to rest my voice...and listen.
God did not intend for pain and sadness and hurt to be a part of this life, and certain things in this world were not supposed to happen. The world we live in was not the world as it should have been. God reminded me of what he told Job: "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundations?" (Job 38.4) But then he made it more personal: "Alair, where were you when I created your life? When I planned out the order of your days? It may not seem fair to you, but I am fair and I have your life under control."
I think I've learned to shut up...and listen.
alair
I've been sick for the past week with an annoying cold (not too surprising), but this time I completely lost my voice (kind of surprising). It's happened to me before, but I didn't really see it coming this time. For someone who likes to talk, it was really frustrating. For someone who is a therapist, it also means you're out of work (you can only do so many quiet "meditation" exercises and say "um hm" so many times before your clients catch on). So I was stuck at home, trying to "rest" my voice and feeling cut off from the outside world.
All I could do was think... and listen.
So I started thinking about how unfair this was- that I had to lose the tool I use most, in my job, with friends, for school and almost everything else. This wasn't what I had planned. Then I started realizing how this time in my life is not turning out as I expected. Despite all of my efforts and hours of work and prayers and studying, things were not going they way I thought. And that is not fair.
Do you ever have those moments? Where you say, " ____ was not supposed to happen" or "Why does ____ happen to ____ but not to me?", and my favorite is "But I did ______, and it still didn't work." So in my mind, I cried out to God about how life just didn't seem fair. I literally tried to cry out to God but all that came out was something high-pitched and scratchy. So I decided it really was time to rest my voice...and listen.
God did not intend for pain and sadness and hurt to be a part of this life, and certain things in this world were not supposed to happen. The world we live in was not the world as it should have been. God reminded me of what he told Job: "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundations?" (Job 38.4) But then he made it more personal: "Alair, where were you when I created your life? When I planned out the order of your days? It may not seem fair to you, but I am fair and I have your life under control."
I think I've learned to shut up...and listen.
alair
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